Sunday night.

Feeling a little frustrated after today events.
I realize just how deep the misunderstanding between me and parents goes.

To them, I am just a incapable person.
Incapable of taking care of myself.
Incapable of doing anything.
Incapable of communicating properly with others or even establishing a good relationship with anyone.

I feel frustrated that they think this way.
But even more so is that I can't convince them otherwise.
I have no idea how to.
Their view on me was such.
No matter what I did or how hard I try, it seems that i can never change that.

Will they continue to feel so at their death bed?
It worries me.

I know I am much more capable than they thought of me.
But to gain so little to none acknowledgement is frustrating and demoralizing.

To them I am hard to get along, difficult to handle.
To them I have no real skills or intellect to prove myself or gain any real advantage in the working world.

So what am I to them?
How did they view me all this time?

It is true that I am lazy perhaps more so than any other living person.
It is also true that I find myself at awkward moments with others.
However, I only think this is so because I am too frank and I do not know what to do.
This part of me has always been my downfall for all my relationships with people.
I can't be frank to people, because people can't handle being told such truths.
I can't lie to people because I have a inability to do so.

So I guess my parents are right. I have a hard time communicating with others and forming a good relationship.
Being around people is hard.

Am I really a born failure?
I am reluctant to admit this but perhaps it is true.
I have accomplish nothing up to this date.
Gain nothing and yet lost many things along my growing up journey.

悔しい
Rainey