Hi my imaginary readers...

I just realize I am only 26 this year.
I am not sure if this is something that I should be happy about.
But I am sure that I feel time is moving extremely slowly for me.
I can't help but feel vex with the sense of drowning in life despite not having any unfortunate event happening to me recently.
I feel helpless. Do I have depression? I can't tell the difference.
I just want my life to quickly come to an end but I am not suicidal.
I just wan to experience my life at a quicker pace and finish this experience.
Recently, I have been feeling increasingly troubled but I do not have a reason to be troubled.
I don't know what is wrong with me at this moment.
Time is moving slowly, I am only 26.
I am so bored with life.
Sometimes, I find myself asking myself if there is a meaning to me being alive at this moment.
Should I go travelling?
Eat something tasty?
Do thrilling things that will give me a boost in adrenaline?
I feel it should be a good thing to do, but I can't help but feel extremely bored of the process.
What comes after everything ends?
What happens when everything quiet downs?
Life is becoming extremely boring and painful to go through.
Do I have depression?
Am I falling into a state of depression?

For my future self, I have already decided that I will not marry anyone.
I have slowly started to reject the notion of love in my life without my notice.
I am afraid of taking that step to accept someone and feel that dreadful pain in my life again.
The subject of " Love" is scary to me. I do not wish to accept this idea in my life in the future.
I hope no one will force me to face this in the future.
I realize I am quite damage emotionally since I reject the notion of love in my life.
I guess this is what I have to live with. Since I have let someone become too important in my life.
This importance, even if that person no longer lives in my heart.
It still leaves a mark that will never fade.
I really wonder how badly I will react if someone corners me to face my inner fears.
It should be interesting.
As I grow older, the more timid I become.
What a joke.
I used to be fearless and confident.
Perhaps this is retribution for never really loving someone for the past 10 years and still be together with others.

Rainey