Hi my imaginary readers...

I just realize I am only 26 this year.
I am not sure if this is something that I should be happy about.
But I am sure that I feel time is moving extremely slowly for me.
I can't help but feel vex with the sense of drowning in life despite not having any unfortunate event happening to me recently.
I feel helpless. Do I have depression? I can't tell the difference.
I just want my life to quickly come to an end but I am not suicidal.
I just wan to experience my life at a quicker pace and finish this experience.
Recently, I have been feeling increasingly troubled but I do not have a reason to be troubled.
I don't know what is wrong with me at this moment.
Time is moving slowly, I am only 26.
I am so bored with life.
Sometimes, I find myself asking myself if there is a meaning to me being alive at this moment.
Should I go travelling?
Eat something tasty?
Do thrilling things that will give me a boost in adrenaline?
I feel it should be a good thing to do, but I can't help but feel extremely bored of the process.
What comes after everything ends?
What happens when everything quiet downs?
Life is becoming extremely boring and painful to go through.
Do I have depression?
Am I falling into a state of depression?

For my future self, I have already decided that I will not marry anyone.
I have slowly started to reject the notion of love in my life without my notice.
I am afraid of taking that step to accept someone and feel that dreadful pain in my life again.
The subject of " Love" is scary to me. I do not wish to accept this idea in my life in the future.
I hope no one will force me to face this in the future.
I realize I am quite damage emotionally since I reject the notion of love in my life.
I guess this is what I have to live with. Since I have let someone become too important in my life.
This importance, even if that person no longer lives in my heart.
It still leaves a mark that will never fade.
I really wonder how badly I will react if someone corners me to face my inner fears.
It should be interesting.
As I grow older, the more timid I become.
What a joke.
I used to be fearless and confident.
Perhaps this is retribution for never really loving someone for the past 10 years and still be together with others.

Rainey

A lonely and restless night yet again. I cant help but worry about my future. What should I do? How should I tackle my incoming problems?

The people I meet from this point on will always have a motive to be friendly. Should I shut it all out or should I turn a blind eye to their motive and just make friends?

For someone like me... Little friends to begin with, such bad socializing skills and such bad communication skills. Can i trusly state what i meant across without being affected by the other? Clearly, logically and rationally?

I guess everyone have their own set of worries and troubles... I am still glad I made this blog to vent. -.-

I thought I was determined to live alone for the rest of my life. But recently, I started to doubt myself determination. My doubt did not grow from meeting someone instead it grew from loneliness.

So I started to think again, can I go into a relationship?

Will I meet someone without any ulterior motive but just love me for who I am?

I am afraid. Afraid of what the future might bring. Afraid to move forward. Afraid I might meet someone who loves me for who I am.

Can I really withstand the loneliness of the long night?

Being my age now, I really cant help but feel afraid. Afraid that i might never meet such a person. Also afraid that if i ever meet such a person, how am i going to accept another relationship. How am i going to fall in love? How am i going to find the courage to be in love? To be with someone?

Why cant time move faster? Move faster to reach the end of my lifetime, to free me from this agony......