I thought I was determined to live alone for the rest of my life. But recently, I started to doubt myself determination. My doubt did not grow from meeting someone instead it grew from loneliness.

So I started to think again, can I go into a relationship?

Will I meet someone without any ulterior motive but just love me for who I am?

I am afraid. Afraid of what the future might bring. Afraid to move forward. Afraid I might meet someone who loves me for who I am.

Can I really withstand the loneliness of the long night?

Being my age now, I really cant help but feel afraid. Afraid that i might never meet such a person. Also afraid that if i ever meet such a person, how am i going to accept another relationship. How am i going to fall in love? How am i going to find the courage to be in love? To be with someone?

Why cant time move faster? Move faster to reach the end of my lifetime, to free me from this agony......